Monday, March 28, 2011

The worst sports fans in America

GQ Magazine's Adam Winer ran down the fifteen "Worst Sports Fans in America" recently.  What, pray tell, makes up a bad sports fanbase?  Well, according to Winer, trangressions could include insufferable arrogance, bandwagoning, projectile launching, vicious taunting, rampant drunkenness, physical assaults, and/or rioting.  These are all fantastic descriptors to list in your profile, FYI.

Although I want to make clear that I think fans of the Browns, Buckeyes, Tribe, and Cavs are VERY FAR from the worst, I'm actually surprised that the national opinion doesn't throw one of those teams in there.  Probably Ohio State, purely based on the recent success of the football and (to a lesser extent) basketball programs.  Although OSU fans don't usually exhibit "insufferable arrogance," the sheer quantity and enthusiasm of Scarlet-and-Grey clad Americans has got to annoy some people.

Additionally, I would think the Browns fans have got to be somewhere close to the top of the list, just based on long ago (battery or beer throwing) stories, or more recent (unproven child-tackling) stories.  Then again, arrogance and bandwagonning are not exactly two of the descriptions I would use for Browns fans.  Even though this year's Cavaliers numbers have been strong, the fate of the Indians seems to be in the short-term future for the Cavs, with attendance and TV ratings almost sure to fall next year.  But then again, we'll see.

Here, however, is the list put together by Duke graduate Winer, and their main transgressions.
  • 15.  LA Lakers.  Bandwagonning.  And starf****ing.
  • 14. U of Oregon basketball:  General jackassedness.
  • 13. U of Wisconsin football.  Drunkenness.  Gotta guess this isn't unique, but they do administer breathalyzers to some fans in order to gain entry.
  • 12.  Dallas Cowboys:  misplaced arrogance, for sure.
  • 11. Montreal Canadiens:  Drunken hooliganism. 
  • 10.  LSU football:  boorishness, hostility, assaults.  Oh my!
  • 9.  NY Yankees.  New Yorkers.
  • 8. Duke Basketball.  Take a guess.  They'll probably be upset they're not number one.
  • 7. PSU Football.  There's gonna be a Keystone state theme here...  so classy
  • 6. Boston Red Sox.  Think they're still underdogs. 
  • 5. U of Maryland basketball.  Apparently they riot.  But this author is from Duke, so maybe he knows what he's talking about.
  • 4. Oakland Raiders.  Come on.
  • 3. WVU Mountaineers.  Arsonists.  Nice!  1000+ fires between 1997-3003.  That takes devotion.
  • 2...
  • ...and 1.  Philadelphia Eagles and Phillies fans.  Everyone knows about these jackasses, but let me share my little story.  Years ago, I was in Baltimore, and headed over to Camden Yards for what turned out to be an interleague game between the Orioles and Phillies.  Starting with about the fourth inning, and continuing through the rest of the game, not an inning went by without one of the thousands of traveling Philly thugs fans touching off a brawl.  There was more fights in the stands at this baseball game than at your average NFL game, and that, my friends, is saying something.  Fortunately I was wearing an Indians cap and so only got some verbal abuse.
I dunno, I think there are a couple missing.  Maybe the black-and-gold cockroaches who permeate every NFL stadium, but especially ours?  Or perhaps the maize-and-blue delusionaries who not only think they go to the Harvard of central Michigan, but pretend to remember their relevance.  Oh well.

(Uh oh, I bordered on arrogance there.  REPENT, REPENT!)