Can Anyone Stop Phoenix?

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"If there was five of me, I'd be able to," said James.

Here's The Plain Dealer article by Bill Livingston I was talking about. I'm still in awe that he would say this...

It's that damn easy....

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LeBron said he wants Jason Kidd in a Cavaliers uniform...

Asked if getting Kidd would mean an NBA championship for the Cavs, James said emphatically: "Yeah. . . . It's that easy."

Well the ESPN Trade Machine tells me that a deal of Ira, Shannon Brown, and Larry will be good under the cap rules. Let's get it done!

Is it the shoes?

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By now we’ve all heard about LeBron’s new shoes inspired by his love for the Yankees. If you don’t know about it here’s an excerpt from a recent article by ABJ’s Brian Windhorst:
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The shoe will be in Yankees colors complete with pinstripes and likely be sold only in the New York area.
''They're hot,'' James said. ''I like them a lot.'' (Editorial note from Cleveland Sports Torture: “Hot” is street lingo for “really good.”)

As with all of his signature shoes, James' consulted on the design, which includes his No. 23 on the tongue in the block lettering used for Yankee uniforms. On the underside of the tongue is James' name inserted into a popular Yankee Stadium cheer: ''Le-Bron Ja-mes, Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap!''

Before conspiracy theorists get going, this is usual business for Nike. The shoe giant has used special New York promotions for James for several years. They've highlighted other things that are special to James, including putting a map of Akron on the mass release Zoom LeBron V model currently being sold across the country.

Yet, there's no doubt Nike has put a special focus on the Big Apple. Two years ago, it opened a temporary museum devoted to James in the Soho section of Manhattan and regularly feature James on a four-story advertisement a block from Madison Square Garden.

Last year, Nike released a New York-themed version of James' shoe that featured graffiti and other representations of the city. Nike also has designs of his signature shoe that target the Chinese market.

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I’m no “conspiracy theorist,” i.e. one of the idiot paranoid Cleveland sports radio caller fans who thinks LeBron having a Yankee sneaker means OMG HE’S GOING TO THE KNICKS OR NETS FOR SURE NOW@#!! Nor do I think it means he’ll be playing for the Yankees come 2010. Did you see LeBron take those clumsy swings in the batting cage at The Jake a few years ago? He looked like me during my one summer of South Euclid/Lyndhurst softball.

LeBron’s a businessman…someone who wants to be a “global icon” and billionaire. From his perspective, having a Yankee shoe in the world’s biggest market is solid money making move.

All of this begs the question: Should it annoy Cleveland fans that our most prominent athlete is once again pandering to the pinstripers? Should it piss us off that only a few months after “Hat-gate” LeBron is actually slapping his name onto Yankee-related apparel? Or is the whole affair just another non-story given unnecessary coverage by the media and pumped up further by bored bloggers?

I’ll reluctantly admit I find it a bit bothersome: Have you ever heard of another athlete putting his likeness on the gear of a city’s hated “rival?” It just seems weird…what if Grady Sizemore came out with Steelers’ longjohns or something? As dumb as that reads I just find it strange that LeBron needs to have a Yankee shoe.

LeBron seems like a smart, worldly guy; yet I think he’s still clueless as to what he means to the region. However, he didn’t grow up caring about our teams, and thereby wasn’t affected by our sports’ disappointments. Now he’s living in an airy world of endless financial opportunity and global popularity. And he probably cares even less about our city’s sports’ history.

I don’t care if No. 23 is a front-running New York/Cowboys/Bulls fan. But don’t make a fool out the city by going on national TV and flashing a Yankee cap to the camera and then tell your loyal fanbase to “deal with it.” That same principle holds for the Chosen One’s new kicks. Find another way to fill your pockets, LeBron.

Give it to me Chris Berman....

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The Geeeeeeeeeeeee-Men are going to the big dance!!! No Tiki, no Shockey, no problem. The national media can suck the big one for wanting Brett Fav-ruh to win for big time ratings. Eli has grown into a straight balla and all the NY media that bashed him his whole career so far can absolutely suck it. The one thing the G-Men have going for them this time around vs. the Pats is they have Bradshaw who didn't play that first game. Big Jake is gonna punish that secondary, and that 14 point line is too high (already down to 12 1/2 I saw). This would be one of the biggest moments in NY sports history if they can somehow pull off this upset. Stay tuned.

The mohawk may look ridiculous…

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…but Damon Jones (I couldn’t find a picture of him with the new ‘do) is contributing to the Cavs’ current winning ways. He had eight points in the fourth quarter last night to help Cleveland beat Miami on a poor shooting night by LeBron. I don’t think it’s a stretch to say Jones is contributing more these days than Hughes or Sasha, when a month ago he was refusing to come off the bench in mop-up time against the Heat and singing “trade me” songs in the locker room.

Now Jones is hitting clutch treys, driving to the hoop for layups, and not making a fool of himself handling the point guard duties. Obviously he’s not the ultimate answer for the team’s guard problems, but he’s doing well with the minutes he’s getting.

How about Miami? Shaq moves like he’s wearing concrete shoes. Who’s their second-best player? Ricky Davis? They also have a PG named Quinn who looks about 16 with his fuzzy little moustache. The current Heat are a bit reminiscent of the Cavs in the first year with LeBron…lots of one-on-one play and not much else…although that Cavs’ team was not as bad as this Miami team.

Hellaciousness Ensues!!!!

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This isn't the Swanton Bomb from hell from Monday night, but this one is as bad ass or more. This is from when Jeff (we're on first name basis now) was with TNA working a program with the monster Abyss (and James Mitchell his manager).

Smitation City

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The marketing buzz around the monster-takes-Manhattan movie “Cloverfield” has been compared to that of “The Blair Witch Project.” The movies are similar in some aspects, both on-screen and off: In both flicks no-name actors run for their lives under the jittery eye of a hand-held camera. In each case the footage is supposed to be a tape “found” by authorities in the aftermath of some horrific event.

Off-screen both movies received tons of hype under the guise of a “media blackout.” I remember some dopey “Blair Witch documentary” where locals in the town of Scaryville or wherever the fake footage was "found" were filmed drawling, “Ayuh, I heard tell of the Blair Witch” while eerie music played in the background. For “Cloverfield,” the marketing blitz was of the viral variety, as film fans trying to find out about the movie ended up at a series of fake websites set up containing cryptic clues to other websites.

“Blair Witch” was an enormous box office smash. It was also a pile of dogshit in this blogger’s humble opinion. All the hype for something me and three of you guys (my fellow bloggers that is) could have filmed in and around Squire’s Castle. I don’t know if “Cloverfield” will find the same success as “Blair Witch.” But I can tell you now that it's the better movie by leaps and bounds.

Of course, “Cloverfield,” produced by “Lost” creator J.J. Abrams, is a much more ambitious (and expensive) undertaking, using all of Manhattan as a playground of destruction. It starts off in a posh loft where a going away party is being held for (I think his name is) Rob, who is leaving for Japan (the cinematic birthplace of the city-smashing giant monster) for a job. The party is being “documented” with a handheld video camera by Rob’s best friend, Hud. The shindig is disrupted by what partygoers think is an earthquake. (It ain’t) Then the real fun starts.

And “Cloverfield is a good time. It’s pretty intense, and at times quite comical. The film strives to be “a monster movie for the YouTube generation,” as its director states. In that account “Cloverfield” mostly succeeds, but it does help to suspend your disbelief a bit. For example, why does our amateur documentarian continue to lug around that camera while the city crumbles? “People are gonna want to see this,” he says by way of explanation. I can live with that. In this shrinking Web 2.0 world, where you can access public video sharing websites and watch Saddam Hussein get executed, it’s no surprise someone wants to record the end of all things.

(By the way, Cavs-90, Spurs-88. Nice.)

Smitation City

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The marketing buzz around the monster-takes-Manhattan movie “Cloverfield” has been compared to that of “The Blair Witch Project.” The movies are similar in some ways, both on screen and off: In both flicks no-name actors run for their lives under the eye of a shaky hand-held camera. In each case the footage is supposed to be a tape “found” by authorities in the aftermath of some horrific event.

Off-screen both movies received tons of hype under the guise of a “media blackout.” I remember some dopey “Blair Witch documentary” where locals in the town of Scaryville or wherever the movie took place were filmed muttering, “Ayuh, I heard tell of the Blair Witch” with eerie music playing in the background. For “Cloverfield,” the marketing blitz was of the viral variety, as film fans trying to find out about the movie ended up at a series of fake websites set up containing cryptic clues to other websites.

“Blair Witch” was an enormous box office smash. It was also an enormous pile of dogshit in this blogger’s humble opinion. All the hype for something me and three of you guys (my fellow bloggers that is) could have filmed in and around Squire’s Castle. I don’t know if “Cloverfield” will find the same success as “Blair Witch.” But I can tell you now that it’s the better movie by leaps and bounds.

Of course, “Cloverfield,” produced by “Lost” creator J.J. Abrams, is a much more ambitious undertaking, using all of Manhattan as a playground of destruction. It starts off in a posh Manhattan loft where a going away party is being held for (I think his name is) Rob, who is leaving for Japan (the cinematic birthplace of the city-smashing giant monster) for a job. The party is being “documented” with a handheld video camera by Rob’s best friend, Hud. The shindig is disrupted by what partygoers think is an earthquake. (It ain’t) Then the real fun starts.

And “Cloverfield is a good time. It’s pretty intense, and at times quite comical. The film strives to be “a monster movie for the YouTube generation,” as its director states. In that account “Cloverfield” mostly succeeds, but it does help to suspend your disbelief a bit. For example, why does our amateur documentarian continue to lug around that camera while the city crumbles? “People are gonna want to see this,” he says by way of explanation. I can live with that. In this shrinking Web 2.0 world, where you can access public video sharing websites and watch Saddam Hussein get executed, it’s no surprise someone wants to record the end of all things.

(By the way, Cavs-90, Spurs-88. Nice.)

My Twist of Fate?

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Forrest Gump once pondered, "I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze, but I, I think maybe it's both. Maybe both is happening at the same time."

Flashback to 9:15 a.m, Tuesday, January 15, 2008... Charlotte, NC Airport. To set the scenario, I'm on a business trip, transferring flights to go from Charlotte to Raleigh. I've been up since 3:45 a.m. (had to make it to the Cleveland airport by 5:00). I'm tired, hungry, and anxious from travel.

When I arrive at my gate, I happen to see an odd looking young man slouched over sipping a McDonalds drink. DOUBLE-TAKE... IT'S NONE OTHER THAN THE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION JEFF HARDY!!! Mind you, I'm going on 3 1/2 hours of sleep so I thought my eyes and mind were deceiving me. After all, Jeff Hardy had just hours earlier delivered the most hellacious Swanton Bomb known to man... a 30 ft. dive... a monumental bump from the second tier of scaffolding, taking out both he and WWE World Champion Randy Orton.


Jeff Hardy waits to board a plane in Charlotte

I get a better look as he stands to throw away his trash and now I'm down right giddy! Jeff Hardy is on my plane! Makes sense... he's from Raleigh. The question is... could he?.... is it possible?... might he be sitting next to me? One can only pray!

I board and sit down in Row 12 as the Champ strolls in a few minutes behind me looking for his seat. He's approaching.... my heart's beating faster than when I'm on my elliptical... then BAM... he sits down about 5 rows in front of me. DAMN!

This would not deter me. After the flight I follow Mr. Hardy into a bathroom, for I was not going to let this opportunity pass as I have done several times before with other athletes and entertainers. And here's where the new Froms has come to life. No more of the shy, introverted Froms. I look the superstar, the master of the Swanton Bomb, right in the face as we both wash our hands and say...

"So Jeff, it's nice to see you get a main event push after all these years... and how do you feel about the Ric Flair 'Fight For Your Career' retirement kayfabe angle?" Just kidding... I really said...

"You're Jeff Hardy!"

"Yeah man, what's up", he responds. He looked like he had about 1 hour of sleep, like when you're up all night the last night in Vegas... not surprising considering the hellacious Swanton Bomb of the second level of scaffolding!!! He was probably at the hospital all night (they took him away on a stretcher after all).

I respond, "I saw what you did last night. That was crazy!" (Looking back I wonder if he thinks I think wrestling is real).

Anyway, he says (slurring, eyes bright red) "No sh!t. They have me do crazy things."

I, cool and calm, say "Yeah, I don't even like getting up on a ladder to go onto my roof... and you're doing all that stuff." (Just how cool am I?)

He counters with a half smile and chuckle "Yeah, it's crazy. Who knows if I'll even make it to the Rumble at this rate!" (Again, I wonder if he thought I thought it was real).

"Take it easy man," he says as he leaves the bathroom.

"Take care." I say as the smile grows on my face.

And just like that, Jeff Hardy was gone.. like a "Whisper in the Wind" (his signature set up move).

And just like Forrest Gump... "I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze, but I, I think maybe it's both. Maybe both is happening at the same time."

Or maybe it was... a "TWIST OF FATE" (another Hardy signature set up move).

Utter Depression

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LSU 38, Ohio State 24. Wow.

The worst fears of Buckeyes fans came to be. All the trash talking by SEC backers--well deserved. An embarassing performance--one that didn't have to be.

I can't even begin to consider what should be done.

But columnists are openly calling for the BCS to not invite Ohio State after next season--and I am finding it hard to make myself outraged.

Just wish we had a playoff. I have to think that 6 weeks off never helps Ohio State. Just our opponents.

Out with the old, in with the new...

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It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us...

--Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities

Now I don't know what that quote means for sure, maybe one of you more literary types can expand, but to me, it seems to sum up 2007 pretty well.

Just short of 14 months ago, I wrote a post called "It is Time", trying to capture the excitement and anticipation I (as well as Buckeye Nation) had leading up to the #1 vs. #2 OSU-Michigan showdown. Although I had been excited, I wrote at the time that I wasn't nearly as excited as I should be, or expected to be, and didn't know why. At the time I surmised that maybe it was just being spoiled in the time of OSU excess. But wow have times changed on this board.

2007 brought us some of the close-to-highest-highs, and some of the most crushing lows possible for a sports town.

The feeling of "not being scared" evaporated soon into the BCS Championship game against the University of Florida in 2007, as the near riotious celebration after Ginn's opening touchdown turned quickly into "okay, this possession they're going to turn it on," and "no way Chris Leek can convert another third down." Fortunately for me, I think a combination of Arizona heat and St. Louis brew helped numb the pain for me a bit. So much so that I wasn't that bummed during or after the game--and didn't realize until I got home that Ohio State had gained less than 90 yards on offense. Uggh. Singlehandedly, this game would provide ammunition for an entire year how Ohio State sucks and the SEC is God's gift to football. Ugggh.

The Ohio State men's basketball season, on the other hand, finally started getting some real attention after the football season ended, and we could watch Oden and Conley et.al. mature so fast into a force to be reckoned with. Unfortunately 80% of the games were on some channel that only grandma's with roof antennas could pull in. Regardless, they finish with a fantastic run (punctuated by Ron Lewis and that thriller on St. Patty's day vs. Xavier--in which I was drinking green beer during--do you sense a theme?) and end up getting beat down by...guess who...the Florida Gators. Gee thanks, first the 2000 election, and now this. Just fall into the ocean or something. (Just kidding everybody!) Ugggh.

The Cavs slogged through most of a season, with the national press openly ripping LeBron James for phoning it in. Then, inexplicably, he throws some kind of switch, puts the entire team (and, it turns out, the entire city) on his back, buries the Pistons in one of the all-time greatest performances in team sports history, and, in turn, sends the entire city into some kind of hysteria. The night the Cavaliers clinched the East crown, everybody was hugging, jumping around, toasting, high fiving, and grinning bigger than Hines Ward after a first down. But that was only in Mayfield Heights, where I watched the game. From what I hear, downtown was a similar scene. And wow!, no burning cars, looting, etc. A great night.



Unfortunately, the Cavaliers were exposed--big time--for their deficiencies against the San Antonio Spurs, getting swept out of the playoffs in four games. I'll still contest that those games were closer than people remember, and the Cavs could have easily won a couple. Ah, the fond memories of paying through the nose for upper deck seats to the first home finals game in Cavaliers history, and then watch Anderson (if I dribble or shoot a jumper, bad things are happening) Varajao attempt what I think was supposed to be at turnaround jumper. Not even 10 feet away, LeBron was calling his agent. Ball game. Ugggh.

The Indians actually live up to their expectations. Even exceed them, in some ways. Somehow underrated after the 2006 disaster of a season, they storm out to cinch the Central Division. CC Sabathia and Fausto Carmona are absolute studs*. Victor Martinez and Grady and Travis** are awesome. Kick ass bullpen, a closer who makes us nervous (again), young talent, and the ability to win a ton of games with barely any corner outfield or third base offensive production. An amazing season, and a tragic end when they fail to close out the game. Highlights include a great series against the Yankees. Seemly aided by the Almighty when midges storm the field, drive Joba Chamberlin crazy, and don't affect Fausto a bit.*** Against the Red Sox, the Tribe storms ahead 3-1, only to choke like few teams have choked before, aided by an unexplicable "stop" sign thrown up by Joel Skinner. Ugggh.

*Until the postseason

**Awesome once, hopefully awesome again

***Until a week later

The Browns (predicted by this humble fan to finish 3-13), kick off the season with one of the most embarassing losses ever, at home, to the Pittsburgh Steelers. (Immediately after which I revised my prediction to 2-14.) Virtually immediately after the game, they decide to shit-can their starting quarterback, who had just won an open competition in training camp. Now, normally, I am of the camp of "dance with who brung ya", and don't like messing around with the roster too much, but in this case it was glaringly apparent to anyone not dressed as a McDonald's side item that Charlie Frye sucked. What wasn't glaringly apparent is that Derek Anderson was going to come in and take the team by storm, even so much as to invite conversation on whether the Browns would trade their apprent savior-in-waiting, Brady Quinn. Despite an embarassingly obese coach, the Browns go on to win 10 games in a season filled with crazy bounces that for once, went our way. Unfortunately, three of the six losses were to the inept Raiders, the battered Cardinals, and the Cincinnati team which we thought had no defense. Due to that, the Browns spent January wondering what could have been, instead of taking their rightful place of the leaders in this new year of miracles, 2008. Ugggh.

On the other hand, the Buckeyes also were playing with an unknown at quarterback. Todd Boeckmann had to step into the shoes of an all time Buckeye Legend, Troy Smith. And step in to the shoes he did. Despite being different in every single way than Smith, and playing without the two first round NFL draft pick WRs who left early, Todd managed to make the OSU offense better in 2008. Despite losing to a team they should have killed, Ohio State saw the bounces go their way again, and find themselves playing tonight for the National Championship.

Yes, tonight. The calendar says 2008, and we're no longer lamenting the year that could've been, 2007, but looking forward to 2008. Ohio State has the position of leader now in this new mission, and must set the tone for the entire year. Losing two collegiate national championship games? One NBA finals? One ALCS? Your NFL team failing to make the playoffs due to Indianapolis benching their stars? That is so last year. It's on. So while last year, I was underenthused due to the spoils of excess, now I am slightly underenthused due to the repeated heartbreak. Crushing, even on the Cleveland-level.

After 2007, I'd almost lost that lovin' feeling. But maybe, just maybe, it can come back.

Oh come let's sing Ohio's praise

And songs to Alma Mater raise

While our hearts resounding thrill

With joy which death alone can still

Summer's heat or winter's cold

The seasons pass the years will roll

Time and change will surely show

How firm thy friendship ... OHIO!

Branson Wright bets against the Cavs

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"For what it is worth, I felt like the Cavs could win the game after three quarters. When I said this on press row, the Plain Dealer’s Branson Wright offered to bet me $40 CAD. I didn’t accept."

-Brian Windhorst, 1/6/08, who also says that Mike Bibby is still a possibility for the Cavaliers.

So satisfying...

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Wow. Last night I was in a CLEVELAND Heights bar and it was 70% full with Pittsburgh Steelers fans who were making 99% of the noise. As they fell further and further behind a few tables started openly rooting for the Jaguars, including ours. I didn't go out looking to root against the Steelers last night--but the obnoxious sell-out Clevelanders pushed me to that point and beyond. Down 18 points to start the fourth quarter, I thought...how sweet. Some fans appeared to be considering going home.

Then Pittsburgh scored a touchdown, and I thought to myself (a) uh-oh, there could be a whole lot of shit-talking going on soon, and (b) in a perfect world, the Steelers will come back all the way and lose in a heartbreaking way. Like, for instance, Big Ben having only to take a knee with 20 seconds left and fumbling the snap away. The comeback was unreal. (Not that I know how Hines Ward grabbing the CB's facemask and pulling it down constitutes defensive pass interference on fourth down.) But this was even sweeter. David Garrard's scramble was like a gut punch to 70% of the bar, and got the other 30% louder than ever.

So for today, I'm a Jags fan. And we can all enjoy Maurice Jones-Drew giving up 65 pounds a few weeks ago and blowing up Shawn Merriman, right?



And when it was all over, I just wanted to sit back and smoke a cigar in celebration, that's how satisfying it was. 2007 brought us that sick-to-your-stomach feeling about a dozen times. Let 2008 bring it to someone else.

What is being drilled into Ohio State's Head

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This is the first 3 minutes of a ten minute DVD given to all the players over break:

Has it really come to this?

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