Thursday, April 25, 2013

Talking to myself about Mike Brown

Q: The reaction over Coach Brown's rehiring seems pretty split. Where do you stand?
A: Look, after thirty years of reacting to Cleveland coaching hires, I've learned to eliminate emotion. My first thought is never an impassioned judgement, but rather a dispassionate inquiry: Why? I simply ask why, and then I answer my own question. Motivation almost always tells the...

Q: (interrupts) OK, I'll bite. Let's play the rapid-fire WHY game. Why Pat Shurmur?
A: Because of Mike Holmgren's ego, nepotism and a shared agent.

Q: Why Eric Mangini?
A: Because Tony Grossi told Randy Lerner during a press conference that the Jets had just fired Mangenius. 

Q: Why John Lucas?
A: Because no other coach was down with losing on purpose for a year for two.

Q: Why Eric Wedge?
A: Because he Vulcan mind-melded with Mark Shapiro.

Q: Why Mike Fratello?
A:  Because his predecessor's teams lacked fire.

Q: Why Tito Francona?
A: Because this is a TribeTown and Terry sells it! OK, the rings helped.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Vote for the Indians' Bill Selby in the #OCABracket. Because it is right and just.

So Will Burge (@WillBurge) and TJ Zuppe (@TJZuppe) put together a list of Cleveland's most obscure athletes of all time. And while I disagree with the premise that Bill Selby is obscure--after all, he has been described as "God" and has been elected to the Hall of Fame (Buffalo Bisons style). Also, he has a Bond-like home run counter online.

Regardless...take a few minutes to vote for Bill Selby here...give us at Cleveland Sports Torture a ray of hope, celebrating a great teammate who gave us a great moment off Mo Rivera more than a decade ago. Never forget.

Here's another link to the vote so you don't forget...and in the meantime enjoy the memory!

Monday, April 15, 2013

Cavs must bring Byron back for one more go

"You be quiet now, boy. I'm trying to watch 'Quincy.'"
When Byron Scott stands glowering on the Cavaliers' sideline, he looks like that strict uncle you were always a little bit afraid of. The kind of old-school disciplinarian not shy about pulling out his belt to deliver a whoopin' on whoever was fixin' for one, dagnabbit.

Scott needs to take the belt out more on these Cavs, a collection of raw talent that treats defense like a sullen teenager considering a messy room. Overall, the team simply plays too many stretches of lackluster basketball, evidenced again yesterday in a 91-77 loss to the Philadelphia 76ers, the Cavs' fourth straight defeat and 14 of 16 overall, for the seven people out there who still give a damn about the 2012-2013 squad's fortunes.

Monday, April 1, 2013

Gmail Blue Launches; Orange and Brown would have been a "disaster"

In one of their yearly April Fools' pranks, Google announced "Gmail Blue". Groundbreaking, as it's totally different yet totally the same--it's blue.

Now, much of Buckeye nation is blue today as well, it's opening day tomorrow for the Red, White, and BLUE Tribe, and of course that team up north is in the Final Four. So Blue, indeed. 

But the funny thing is, they tried Orange and Brown...

And it was "a disaster." How apropos.

Here's a link to the whole video, and the Orange and Brown part starts below.