Sunday, September 25, 2016

What CST thinks about Browns-Dolphins today

Browns at Dolphins
September 26, 2016

Browns 20, Dolphins 19

Miracles can happen. After all, Stephen Curry was the unanimous MVP and Golden State won a record 73 games, but the Warriors still blew a 3-1 lead in the NBA Finals.

Dolphins 24, Browns 10 

The Browns offer up a another quarterback for sacrifice this week. Major issues on the offensive line make for a long day against the loaded Miami front 4. After showing little in the preseason Kessler fails to show why the Browns reached so high for him in the draft. It's 70 degrees and sunny, with multiple fall fests to take your kids to, so go out and enjoy the day.

Dolphins 20, Browns 9 

There's no modern sports franchise as bad and as luckless as the Browns. Cleveland radio yakkers talk about the disease infecting this organization and everyone that comes into contact with it, and it's hard to dispute such hyperbole after the past week. Coleman and Nassib going out is especially painful, as their progress was something to be positive about. I'm not expecting an all-out disaster on Sunday, just a workmanlike beating that Cody Kessler hopefully survives.
Dolphins 27, Browns 10 

This game has a week 17 feel to it. It feels like the season is over and we are on our 3rd string QB. Hoping Cody Kessler is the second coming of Carson Wentz.

Dolphins 30, Browns 6

We're pacing at 16 QBs in 16 games. No way Cody Kessler plays next week, so here are my Starting Quarterback Predictions for the rest of the season: Week 4: Charlie Whitehurst, Week 5: Pat Devlin, Week 6: Terrelle Pryor, Week 7: Brady Quinn, Week 8: Peyton Manning (favor to Mr. Haslam), Week 9: Brett Favre (favor to Brett), Week 10: Don Strock, Week 11: JR Smith, Week 12: Richard Dean Anderson, Week 13: Andre Knott, Week 14: John Wayne Bobbitt, Week 15: Ronda Rousey, Week 16: TRUMP (guaranteed win!)


Dolphins 32, Browns 10

Dolphins QB Ryan Tannehill has played every game since being drafted with the 8th pick in 2012. The Browns are on their 3rd QB in three games this season. Oh... and the Browns pick in 2012? Trent Richardson, 3rd overall. Tannehill isn't the second coming of Joe Montana, but that's a stark contrast in draft success and/or luck.

Browns 42, Dolphins 10

Browns thrash Dolphins, just like future God King Donald Trump will devastate Shillary in tomorrow night's debate!

Thursday, September 22, 2016

Twitter is there to remind us that the Warriors blew a 3-1 lead in the NBA Finals

It's been a hard couple weeks for Cleveland sports. Yes, the WWWWWWindians keep on trimming that magic number. The Buckeyes (not Cleveland, but come on) have blossomed about 12-24 months before we thought and look like a juggernaut. The Browns lost two QBs, and their very promising first and third round picks to injuries.

But then there's Twitter. And unless you've been living under a rock, you have seen numerous iterations with some variation of the same joke. Reminding the world that that Golden State Warriors--remember the team that won 73 games and also had the unanimous MVP?--blew a 3-1 lead in the Finals. This joke will get old sometime. But it's not yet.

A simple twitter search brings up dozens of tweets, no matter when....check it out--search for yourself.

Sunday, September 18, 2016

What CST thinks about Browns-Ravens today

Baltimore Ravens at Cleveland Browns 
September 18, 2016

Ravens 31, Browns 17

What a week. Griffin, Salazar, Cookie. At least we have the Buckeyes. And the 73-win Warriors blew a 3-1 lead. But the Browns' "basic" defense couldn't stop Oklahoma, let alone a real NFL team.

Ravens 24, Browns 14

It's a long day for the team AND the fans. Two late scores make the final seem a lot closer than the game was. Boo birds will be out in force, even in the first half.

Browns 24, Ravens 21

Even the worst Browns teams have a surprise win in them, and today's home opener is it for 2016. McCown has played well against the Ravens, and a couple of our young defenders made impact plays in last week's loss. I have no idea where this optimism is coming from, and it may not last a quarter, but I'll ride the good vibes for all they're worth.
Ravens 24, Browns 17

I think McCown keeps it close, but we kind of suck.

Ratbirds 20, Browns 17

Thanks Obama!

Ravens 34, Browns 12

Not even my halftime ice cream sandwich can save this team.

Browns 60, Ravens 2

I learned to handicap NFL games through a three-credit online course at Trump University. Best investment EVER!

Sunday, September 11, 2016

What CST thinks about Browns-Eagles today

Cleveland Browns at Philadelphia Eagles
September 11, 2016

Eagles 33, Browns 20

Praying that RG3 shows signs of life, along with the new receiving corps and Duke. And that the defense can hold Carson Wentz under 35 points. He could have been a Brown, but we will never regret it.

Eagles 28, Browns 10

Carson Wentz doesn't light the world on fire, but looks more then capable against the Browns porous defense. The offense looks ok, but struggles to come up with anything on third down. Get ready to see a lot of punting. It's 68 degrees and partly sunny today in Cleveland, spend time with the kids, work in the yard, read a book at the park, do something else...there is nothing to see here.

Eagles 24, Browns 13

So begins the death march that is the 2016 Browns season. Journalists have an expression that goes, 'Root for the story,' so maybe Cleveland can beat passed over rookie QB Carson Wentz and keep the media at bay for a week. However, even if Wentz puts up 300 yards and three touchdowns, it's because the Browns are horrible, not that Wentz is Johnny Unitias.
Browns 17 Eagles 13

Carson Wentz played at North Dakota State and has played 1 preseason game. I hope Ray Horton can come up with a game plan to confuse Wentz even with our awful defense. Somewhat excited to see if RGIII can revive his career. Browns snap opener losing streak.

Browns 19, Eagles 17

Because I'd rather not wake up in a world where the Browns were wrong about Carson Wentz.

Browns 42, Eagles 10

The Browns roll into Philadelphia with all the freight-train momentum of Glorious Alpha Demigod Trump's march to the White House.
Eagles 24, Browns 17

The Browns may lose today, but defeat will be but a sour memory when God Emperor Trump takes the Oval Office in two months.

Eagles 35, Browns 14

The Cavs won the championship.

The 2016 CST NFL and Browns predictions

Cleveland Browns 2016 Season

3-13, Last in AFC North
Super Bowl: Arizona over Denver

A year or two ago, I thought the Browns could win anywhere between four and ten games, and had no clue which way that would go. (SPOILER ALERT: it wasn't ten wins.) This year it's anywhere from zero to six wins. I am semi-on the RG3 bandwagon, and hope the offense can score consistently for the first time in awhile. The defense, however, is unable to keep the other team's score above the Browns more than a couple times this year.
2-14, Last in AFC North
Super Bowl: Seattle over Pittsburgh

The summer started with the Cavs winning, and now has ended with the Indians pushing to the division title. That leaves us with the Browns, unfortunately. I see no reason for hope with this team, If RG3 is great will he really be the QB of the future? Heck no-- he will move on to greener pastures if the Browns rebuild him. Mid-season trades of Joe Thomas and Joe Haden leave the team on the fast track to the #1 pick. We all know that's the goal this year.

3-13, last in AFC North
Super Bowl: Carolina over Pittsburgh

My go-to Browns prediction is usually 6-10, but for this year, six wins is the team's ceiling. Cleveland is a bottomed out franchise aiming to rebuild through the draft. That's fine, I guess, but I need to see competitive football and the emergence of two or three consistent young starters. Low expectations, yep, but there's not going to much else to keep my attention in 2016.
 5-11, last in AFC North
Super Bowl: New England over Carolina

The sun will come out tomorrow
Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow
There'll be sun

The offense might have a moment or two but the defense is really bad. I think Hue Jackson is the most competent coach we've had in long time. Hue gets the most out of this team, which is unfortunately only good for 5 wins. 

4-12, last in AFC North
Super Bowl: Packers over Bengals

It's a billion-dollar business and the backbone of American culture, so the alteration or demise of the NFL, and Football as we know it today, will be tragic and fascinating. Won't happen tomorrow or even ten years from now, but any activity so openly dependent on sideline-Neurologists will be gradually condemned to groundbreaking change.  Of course, the question begs: will we see the Browns in the SuperBowl before flags are strapped to Quarterbacks? Not Fucking Likely.
2-14, last in AFC North
Super Bowl: Seattle over New England

"So shines a good deed in a weary world"

Somehow we always stay a "Browns town."
The Tribe and Cavs are our good deeds; the Browns our weary world.

2-14, last in AFC North

Super Bowl: Green Bay over New England

No more free passes. No more wasted Sundays. The Cavs winning the championship opened up my world and the Browns shall not suck me back into the abyss.