Sunday, September 9, 2012

What we think will happen against the Eagles (Week 1)


Philadelphia Eagles at Cleveland Browns

September 9, 2012






Brian

Eagles 24
Browns 14
It's gonna take a lot more than a couple games for an offense with a rookie QB and RB to show consistency. But still it will be miles better than last year. Passes of more than 6 yards in the air! That's progress!
Doug

Eagles 23
Browns 10
Browns don't make a complete hash of it, but lose anyway.
Kevin

Eagles 28
Browns 17
If there's one thing I've learned in making Browns predictions on CST, it's to NEVER pick them to win the first game no matter if they're playing the Green Bay Packers or the St. Ignatius Wildcats. Whether it's the defense forgetting to line up or someone taking their helmet off too soon, the Brownies will find a way to lose.

As Bob proclaimed in La Bamba, "It's guaranteed!"
SamVox

Eagles 37
Browns 6
All good anyway--the Muni Lot is absolutely loaded with smoking hot chicks.
Ryan


Eagles 31
Browns 23
Hope is alive.
Trout

Browns 24
Eagles 9

Our optimistic man in the muni lot says the Browns defense will bend, but not break
Sean


Eagles 30
Browns 13
Hope is not alive.

What we think will happen in the NFL this year....




Cleveland Browns and the NFL
2012 Season Predictions







Brian

Browns: 6-10

Super Bowl: Packers over Patriots
Preseason schedule strength means almost nothing--as last year's supposedly "easy" Browns schedule ended up being the sixth hardest in the league. If Richardson can stay healthy and Weeden can stay off his back the Browns might have an offense actually worth watching after a few games.
Doug

Browns: 5-11

Super Bowl:
Packers over Patriots
Young Browns will show improvement but there's too many injuries and too much uncertainty to overcome for true progress.
Kevin

Browns: 4-12

Super Bowl:
49ers over Texans
I'm usually a glass half-empty type of guy. But this year, my Browns glass has only the last few disgusting drops of backwash. The kind you close your eyes, plug your nose, and swallow because it's there--not because you enjoy it. I'm setting the max at 5-11 but am thinking we're looking at an all-too-familiar 4-12.
SamVox

Browns: 3-13

Super Bowl:
Cowboys over Ravens
Rough schedule, rookie QB, key injuries/suspensions, and the worst coach in the NFL. Still, I'll stay optimistic and say we'll find three wins.
Ryan

Browns: 6-10

Super Bowl:
Patriots over Packers
Young Browns team struggles to find their way.
Sean

Browns: 3-13

Super Bowl:
Packers 
Uggh.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

A Browns fan's complex emotions about Art Modell

Art Modell died early this morning in Baltimore.

This will elicit a wide range of emotions across the sports universe, but most particularly in the city that brought him his wealth and power, Cleveland, Ohio.  There will likely never be a bigger villain in the city of Cleveland than Arthur Modell, despite how hard some will try. Unfortunately, some fans will react with unseemly satisfaction, or even glee, at the man's passing, from the anonymous screens of Twitter to--I'm sure--the beer fueled courage in the Muni Lot this Sunday. God knows there was no shortage of fans wishing for Modell's suffering and much, much worse indignities to be done to the man.

I'm just hoping that Cleveland fans react with the class that Art Modell didn't when he ripped the Browns from the city in 1995, and with it, a part of the heart of Browns fans worldwide. I have to say, although there was undoubtedly rage throughout the sports universe when the Browns announced their move, even at the time for me it was more bewilderment and heartache. And I reacted in part by shutting down. I didn't go to the last game at the Stadium, where 80,000 Tim Taylors decided to dust off their tools and dismantle the Dawg Pound. I didn't play fantasy football the next year. Or the next. Or the next. I didn't make a point to sit down and watch football all day every Sunday. Because I was too heartbroken. It really wasn't until 1999 that I dove full into football again. (Although, of course, the Buckeyes kept me busy.)

Sure, I disliked Art Modell and everything he stood for, for his greedy, selfish move in Cleveland. But in the spirit of fairness, I need to share something that I learned only a few months before the Browns announcement, that made it impossible to "hate" Mr. Modell. My mother suffered from breast cancer for many years in the early-to-mid-90s. Near the end of her illness, she was in the Hospice of the Western Reserve on it's beautiful campus on Lake Erie. On one of my many visits there during the summer of 1995, the nurse was showing off the beautiful chapel that was completed at the hospice house. Although there was no plaque or anything noting the face, the nurse said that it was all paid for by Art Modell, and he wanted no publicity or credit for it. And she said that's not the first thing he did for that hospice. In fact, he and his wife started it. So when I hear all the obituaries mentioning his philanthropic works, I know that's not just PR spin. The names "Lerner" and "Lewis" and "Wolstein" may appear on buildings throughout Cleveland, but "Modell" never did, even when he was in the city's good graces.

Six weeks after my mother died, Art Modell announced he was moving the Browns.

Being charitable doesn't erase Modell's negative deeds, and certainly won't erase the enmity from Cleveland.  But for this Browns fan, the emotions are far more complex than that.

I'll always hate the Ravens, and hate the devious actions that Mr. Arthur Modell did to the City of Cleveland. But this is a complex man. An accomplished man who contributed much to the behemoth which is the NFL. And in respect for what he did that was good, and for his family, I'll just say Rest in Peace.

And Go Browns.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

CST Doug's Fabulous Fantasy Football Freakout!!


Feel that tension
Author's note: Like my cynical colleague SamVox, I sent a submission to Grantland's Fantasy Football writer contest that was summarily rejected by the website's editors. After much inner debate, I've decided to post the deathless brilliance that the gormless twits at Grantland turned down because they're unable to comprehend the CST Doug "philosophy." So, if you've got the stones (or, uh, the stonettes) to stare directly into the sun of some flash-blinding wordsmithery, do read on.  ­­-CST Doug

 ***
Your knockoff rayon-knitted NFL jersey from Target has been pulled from the hamper and doesn't smell too mildewy. The cardboard-stiff brim of your Starter cap is rakishly tilted to one side, and the Excel spreadsheet saved to your laptop is primed and ready to go. Soon, you will be downing Jazzin’ Jalapeno™ wings and football glasses of cheap American beer as patrons of the sports bar next to the Lube Stop on Jennings Avenue look upon your table of geeky gridiron gurus with a mixture of pity and contempt.

Yes, it's fantasy football time, folks. In the spirit of the season, here are Dangerous Doug's Lock Down, No Doubt, Dip It In Cement And Put It On The Mantle Top-Five Fantasy Football Picks (and one sleeper) for 2012!
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Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Top 5 Fantasy Footballers

Editor's Note: The following piece was a failed contest submission to join Grantland's staff as a Fantasy Football writer. Please note that SamVox considers FF to be the most irritating and inane part of American sports culture, and this column marks his first and last stab at the topic. Grantland's huge loss, of course, is our modest (and off-color) gain.

1) In 1996, when you and your mates were doing stats by hand in the back of a lecture hall (USA Today, tucked neatly behind your Philosophy 101 notebook), he was Emmitt Smith. Five years later, at your entry level cubicle job, he was Marshall Faulk (hope your employer didn't cock-block the Roto sites). You got married in 2003, and Faulk became Priest Holmes. By the time you started a family and the NFL decided to unabashedly acknowledge and then shamelessly prostitute Fantasy Football, he was LaDanian Tomlinson. Enter 2012, and only the name has changed. We're speaking both specifically and generically of that pass-catching elite RB that seemingly burps touchdowns and clinches your playoffs as soon as you open the email confirming your squad lucked into the first overall draft pick. Re: Fantasy Draft. ARIAN FOSTER----Sent From My iPhone.