Thursday, January 12, 2012

25 years after "The Drive", Browns still have the better quarterback song

The Broncos may be flying relatively high this week, especially compared to our (un-)fair team, but even now, 25 years after "The Drive", the Cleveland Browns have one clear advantage over the Denver Broncos.
"Tim Tebow's Fire" is not even in the same league as "Bernie, Bernie."
I refer, of course, to the longtime (and some had thought, lost) tradition of football songs. When I was a kid, I distinctly remember sitting with my tape recorder NEXT to the radio on playoff Sundays, recording songs from WMJI and WMMS such as "Bad, Bad, Cleveland Browns" (hold your jokes, please,) "Return to Denver," "Bernie's Back", and of course, the song that will live as long as Cleveland does, "Bernie, Bernie." Even now, sports bars play that during Browns games, and only those early 20's fans look confused, as all of us 30-and-above sing at the top of our intoxicated lungs. There had to be 20-something songs played every Sunday, over and over, and I wish I still had those cassette tapes around here.

Well, John Parr has rewritten his only #1 hit "Man in Motion (St. Elmo's Fire)"  into an homage to none other than Denver quarterback Tim Tebow. I suppose the song is about the Broncos' quarterback--after all, his name is in there. But to be honest, there not too much reference to the sport of football. The whole world is talking about Tebow this week, so Parr must have felt there's no time like the present to try to get some pub. Hell, wish I had thought of it first.
Let's compare, and then you can judge for yourself:

Parr ("Tim Tebow's Fire"):
I can see a new horizon
Underneath the blazin’ sky
I’ll be where the eagle’s
Flyin’ higher and higher
Gonna be a man in motion
All I needs my Broncos team
Take me where my future’s lyin’
Tim Tebows Fire
Bleacher Bums  ("Bernie, Bernie):
Takes the snap, drops back, looks down the field...
Brennan breaks open the victory seal...
Cody and Baab keep the blitz at bay...
Give Bernie some time to make the big play.
As you can see, Parr's lyrics are just a mishmash of metaphors, with some Broncos and Tebow references in there, although he does mention "down on one knee, tryin' to break free." Bonus points for that. Too bad he didn't work "gut punched a rapist's team, sent him home a few weeks early...."
To compare, the Bleacher Bums are virtually writing up an offensive gameplan for the Browns. Very specific, not that Bernie needed the help.
"Enjoy" the two songs, but as you're watching Tim Tebow most likely throw for 4 touchdowns and run for a couple more against the Patriots this weekend, just keep humming "Bernie, Bernie" to yourself. You know you want to.

We gotta go, Super Bowl. We gotta go now, Super Bowl.