Wednesday, November 27, 2013

You should have seen what Brutus did on their Snapchat page...

Yesterday an ambitious, creative, devious Ohio State backer managed to hack the M_chigan football Instagram page and change the avatar to Brutus, and Instagram a picture of Brutus taking his frustrataion out on a Maize-and-Blue pinata. Awesome.

A screenshot was grabbed by Instagram user The Real Slacker, and thank you to CBS Detroit and Bleacher Report for capturing the awesomeness.

No word on what Brutus was doing to the pinata in the Snapchat that wasn't screen-captured.

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Freedom '13: Reaching the breaking point with the Browns

Just say no!
Today's game against that bullying big brother known as the Steelers may be the one that makes Browns' Sundays just another day of the week for many people. Instead of watching the un-killable Brandon Weeden start against the Jaguars next weekend, folks may take the time to winterize the car, paint the den, or visit the new atrium at the art museum; it's supposed to be very nice. 

Breaking up with the 2013 Browns doesn't make you disloyal, it makes you smart. Reports from FirstEnergy Stadium  had perhaps 60,000 people at today's game. Next week's meaningless contest against Jacksonville may have 30,000 empty seats, and if that transpires I would say, "Huzzah." 

What we think the Browns will do today against the Steelers (Week 12)

altCleveland Browns vs. Pittsburgh Steelers

November 24, 2013

Browns 23
Steelers 21

Oh who knows. This maybe should be the "Loser Leaves Town Match" indeed. Smart play from Campbell, however, should get the Browns an easy victory.


Browns 17
Steelers 14

This is game will not be fun to watch as both teams will struggle with the cold. Browns pull out the game at the end, finally we can say the Browns are clearly the better team.


Browns 16
Steelers 13

If this franchise wants to emerge from its "typical Browns" stereotype of clownish incompetence, winning games within the division is paramount. A victory today would give Cleveland a guaranteed 3-3 record in the AFC North, so against my better judgment, I'm picking the Browns to take the duke. 

Browns 16
Steelers 13

Here's my BrownsTown pick
No Sunday shtick
We're taking down the Stillers
On a Cundiff kick

Browns 21
Steelers 17

I have a bad feeling that the Pittsburgh D will have a plan for our one-dimensional offense... but since I'm off the entire week for Thanksgiving with a birthday thrown in, I'm in a good mood.


Browns 23

Steelers 13

This may be the four helpings of Muni Lot Hobo Chili talking, but I really like the Browns today. 


Steelers 24
Browns 17

I remember wondering, when the Steelers were 0-4, whether they would end up with a better record than the Browns.

Monday, November 18, 2013

"How Come Quickies" from our friend who doesn't exist on the Internet

Yes it's true, we have a friend who claims he doesn't exist on the internet. No facebook, no Tumblr, no tweeting nor Foursquaring. But once in a while he fires off an email, likely from his IBM PC Jr., and this time it included some How Come Quickies. One had to be edited out since it was such a private joke, between just one of our college roommates and Les Levine, circa mid-1990s.

How come quickies for the week...... 

How come in Fantasy we start 2 RBs and 2 Recievers? 

How come we run Trent out of town because of yards per carry but Obby goes 4.5, 4.6, 3.8 and 5.3 in the last 4 years and can't get any carries?

How come nobody rushes for more than 441 yards in a game in 18 years and 2 do it this year in D3?

How come Missouri is considered good and their top two wins were against two teams not even in the BCS top 25 anymore, Florida and Georgia?

How come people think FSU schedule is so much tougher when they each will have played one top 25 BCS team at the end of the year? And if we win out we play Michigan St in the championship game and if they win out they play Duke in the championship team. And Michigan State is better in basketball and football than Duke.

How come people are too stupid to not see what I see?

How come people think the SEC is so great but a team the Big 10 wouldn't take leads their east division just a year after joining the SEC?

How come the SEC does not sponsor Men's soccer?

How come LSU's biggest wins are against TCU 4-7 and Florida 4-6, I'd say Auburn too, but their only win is against Texas A&M (who is crap).

How can anyone look at South Carolina's and Texas A&M's schedule and put them ahead of Michigan St? I could respect Fresno State and Northern Illinois ahead of Michigan St more. 

How come even though Kyrie has missed a handful of game winners this year I still want him to have it 100% of the time.

How come Kyrie has had so many opportunities for game winners in 3 years?

How come at the beginning of the year when I watched Toledo almost beat Florida and play Missouri I though it would of been a big upset? Now I think they should be favored if they played now? (Answer: Kareem Hunt is now playing and averaging 6.8 a carry, finally getting some carries the last 4 games averaging around 130 a game)

How come it means more to lose to Alabama then to beat other teams?

How come the last round of Family Feud is worth more than all the other rounds?

How come the Cavs do not recognize how good CJ Miles is playing?

How come Pryor gets suspended for 5 game for trading autographs for tatoos but Johnny Football gets a 1/2 game suspension for selling for cash? And Peter Warrick got 2 games for shoplifting by using his status as a football player?

How come I can write a long email and not an article?

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Browns' championship trophy! Get it while it's hot!

So someone found an until-now-nobody-even-knew-it-existed 1946 trophy from the Cleveland Browns 1946 season?

Shit--just make replicas and t-shirts and keep the fans' hope alive for another year, because today the 'new' Browns tried to trample it

Remember this? Nope? Nobody else does either.

What we think the Browns will do today against the Bengals (Week 11)

altCleveland Browns at Cincinnati Bengals

November 17, 2013

Browns 27
Bengals 17

Seriously, I'm shocked to care this much about the Browns in mid November after that 0-2 start. Biggest game in years? Who knows. But they should be able to win with Campbell.


No pick this week

No pick this week.


Browns 20
Bengals 14

Today is a massive swing game not just for the season, but for the franchise. My head advises caution but my heart says, "What the hell, why not today?" 

Browns 24
Bengals 23
Look, nobody in town handicaps the Browns like the Vox. I went 11-2 in this space last year and I'm leading CST with a 7-2 mark this season. But this week is rough; I've changed my mind at least a dozen times. And it's because I want this game so badly. So, Hello Again Neil Diamond famously crooned "I put my heart above my head."

Bengals 24
Browns 21

Let's all take a deep breath. I like where this team is headed and actually have confidence in the coaching staff... something I haven't had since they settled on Chris Palmer in '99. But Cleveland fans are the Rick Grimes of the NFL - every time we think we've made a break through, a flesh eating walker, nut-job Governor, or dangerous virus is there to knock us back a whole bunch of steps. I refuse to let my guard down this time.


Browns 23

Bengals 20

This would make me happy.


Bengals 23
Browns 20

I want to believe. Sports radio says this is the biggest game in 6, maybe 29 years. But I've seen this show before.

Vox Lox: Five Things You Didn't Know About Me

Back when Facebook first infested the mainstream, there was a note trending called "25 Random Things About Me." Remember, you made your list and tagged 25 friends. Then they made lists and tagged 25 more friends. It spread faster than the Delonte-Gloria rumor, and we were all the wiser for it. It seemed harmlessly playful and occasionally interesting at the time, but the standard had been officially and not-so-subtly set: Facebook was going to be about narcissism and image-crafting. What you had to say was supremely important and, eventually, so was where you were and who you were there with! Soon after, Timeline blew you up with a cover photo that was seemingly wider than your monitor. Last year, memes made political musings easy for the masses, and eCards helped you appear aristocratically hip. In 2013, Bit-strips make you inoffensively funny and hashtags, abused as they've been, give you Twitter-power! 

This week Facebook got back to her roots with another self-indulgent exercise. You don't even need an official note this time around: a friend simply gives you a random number, and off you go with another brilliant list about you! And, truth be told, nothing comes easier than Me-Copy when you're needing to fill space. That means I can type some quick Vox tidbits and I'll be done here in twenty minutes. That's twice as long as Terry Pluto spends on his articles. Just joking, Terry. I think. OK, off with the horns, on with column. FYI, five is not an arbitrary value. It's the number of Browns wins (and losses) in just a few hours.

1. I'm in a column slump, and have to write my way out of it. I've been tormented by Miss Ryder Block for most of my creative life. And I know as well as anyone-- sometimes you have to tell Winona to pack up her shit and go. Then you grind out some words. Doesn't mean they'll add up to much, but at least you produced. Hey, Bud Shaw has been slumping for twenty+ years, but he keeps busting jokes and collecting paychecks. Just kidding, Bud. I still read you.

2. I don't laugh easily, especially when it comes to television. The good Lord has instilled an ugly cynicism in my hate-filled heart, so your average sit-com grates on my insane sensibilities. I need something savagely original and outrageous. I need an icon with the ability to unhinge a laugh-track with only the expression on his face. I need Archie Bunker, Latka Gravas, Sam Malone, Alex P. Keaton, George Costanza, and, most of all, Kenny Fuckin' Powers. Tonight, Eastbound & Down airs Kenny's final chapter and it's sure to be hilariously dark, uncomfortable, and triumphant. I declare it the 2nd funniest show ever, and here is my Top 10 All-Time TV Comedies list for proof:

                                                     1. Taxi
                                                     2. Eastbound & Down
                                                     3. Family Ties
                                                     4, All in the Family
                                                     5. Cheers
                                                     6. Seinfeld
                                                     7. Diff'rent Strokes
                                                     8. Three's Company
                                                     9. Family Guy
                                                     10. Curb Your Enthusiasm 

3. I attended the Vegas Summer League four months ago and said hello to Matthew Dellavedova. I didn't know his name, but he had a Cavaliers warm-up on and that was good enough for me. On the court, he immediately impressed me with his focus and tenacity but I assumed he was there to fill out the roster. Didn't figure he'd make the team, but the Cavs couldn't start the season with only three guards. Still, nobody in the basketball universe could've predicted that Delly would play in a meaningful 4th quarter and the entire overtime period in our desperately needed win over Washington. At first glance, he looks to have the speed and ability of some cat in your rec league and yet his plus/minus ratio was +16 last night.

4. Vox's All-Time Favorite Player NBA Roster:
Starting Line-up:
PG Terrell Brandon
SG Vinny "The Microwave" Johnson
C Vitaly Potapenko
PF John "Hot Rod" Williams
SF Xavier McDaniel

Reserves: F/C John Salley, F/C Christian Laettner, F Dennis Rodman, F AC Green, G Delonte West, G Bob Sura, G Isiah Thomas, G Gary Payton, G Aaron Craft

5. I play Blackjack by the book. There's really no other way to do it if you want to generate a profit. But I cannot bring myself to split 8s against a 9 or a 10. I know I'm statistically wrong, but how can I make that play while still assuming the dealer's hole card is a ten? I have a similar dilemna when it comes to even-money if I've blackjacked against the Dealer's Ace. I can't resist and always take my even payout, but I know that's costing me money in the long term. Am I a defective gambler or do all humans have illogical blind spots? I need to know, so please email me your thoughts. And a column idea or two if you don't mind. I'm dry for next week. Let me make you famous. But first I'll make you rich...

Today's Plays:

Giants (-5) over Packers, 2 dimes
Browns (+6) over Bengals, 2 dimes
Saints (-3) over 49ers, 1 dime
Texans (-7) over Raiders, 1 dime
Broncos (-8.5) over Chiefs, 1 dime

Last week: No Action
Two Weeks Ago: 1-0 (+5 Dimes)
Season: 10-11-1 (-1 Dime)

Monday, November 11, 2013

“Tattoo-Gate” Championship Ring for Sale

For those of you looking for something special this holiday season for the Ohio State fan in your life, the "Tattoo-Gate" Championship ring is once again for sale on Ebay. According to the seller "This may be the single most famous piece of Ohio State memorabilia available! This ring was the start of the Tattoo Scandal involving former Ohio State players Terrelle Pryor, Boom Herron, Devier Posey, Mike Adams, Solomon Thomas, former coach Jim Tressel, and tattoo shop owner Ed Rife." 

The bid price is $16,499, and it sold for $18,100 back in June which means i'ts practically 10% off. Only 43 days until Christmas.

Check out the full auction listing using the link above or by clicking here.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

The Onion suggests Browns fans like to drink. Weird.

So I am a week or two behind in my handy-dandy The Onion desk calendar. I didn't notice until today the October 17 entry, which apparently is a rerun of a 2010 image of Browns fans'. Not too shabby. "Impassioned Fan Base Just Drunk" is quite humorous, I must say. Of course they could have chosen many fan bases for this--but it takes a certain amount of alcohol to make watching a Browns game in person over the past dozen years actually bearable.

By the way, this appears to be a picture from a game that you really needed a drink after. The 2010 Jets game, where the Browns came in after beating the Patriots and Saints, and lost in overtime, with :16 seconds left, on a Santonio Holmes TD. This game is remembered for the mole the Jets placed on the Browns roster, one Chansi Stuckey, once drafted by the Jets, who fumbled the ball in overtime as the Browns were driving toward field goal range.


Sunday, November 3, 2013

What we think the Browns will do today against the Ravens (Week 9)

altCleveland Browns vs. Baltimore Ravens

November 3, 2013

Browns 23
Ravens 17

Let's remember, the Browns nearly beat the Ravens in Baltimore, with Brandon Weeden and without Josh Gordon. Now, no Weeden and at home...can't really pick against them.


Browns 17
Ravens 10

There will be good times on the lakefront today. These are not the same old Browns, and not the same Ravens teams from years past. The defense has a chip on its shoulder and will take it out on the defending champs.


Browns 14
Ravens 13

The Browns have been plagued by slow starts these last two weeks. Now that the quarterback position is as settled as it's going to get, it's the defense that's going to make plays to pull out the squeaker against the Super Bowl champs. 

Browns 23
Ravens 9

My lock of the season, so far. 

Browns 16
Ravens 14

I don't know what's more perplexing: The optimism following three straight losses or the fact that everyone in Berea thought Weeden was the best choice of the 3 quarterbacks to start the season.


Browns 27

Ravens 17

We almost beat them with Brandon Weeden at QB, I didn't realize it at the time but that says a lot. If the Browns have any hope of keeping this season entertaining they MUST WIN this game!


Ravens 24
Browns 17

We lose.

(Kevin: "He's not the best color man in the league for nothing, folks.")

Vox Lox: NBA Preview

Arnold, Mr. Drummond & Jarrett Jack
A preview three games into the season? That's cheating. 

If it makes you feel better, just drop the "pre" and we'll call it the View. Wait, no, that show gets on my nerves.

How about Vox's View? If you say that super fast, over and over, it almost sounds like Vincent Askew. Here's ten seconds of the late Drazen Petrovic doing work on Let Me Askew Something Vincent. If you clicked on that link, you must love the NBA. Well hello die-hard hoop fan and welcome to the rest of my column...

The five-day peek we've had into this 2013-14 campaign will probably do us more harm than good, anyway. Here's what we know:

Blake Griffin is to Kia as Cliff Paul is to State Farm. I'll stick with Toyota and Geico, thanks. Oh, and the Samsung Galaxy could have a RuleTheWorld application, but I'll never know because I'll keep my iPhone while LeBron exploits his family for profit and image control.

The shamelessly over-hyped Clippers, new media-darlings of the Western Conference, lost the battle of Los Angeles to a handful of role-players (Nick Young is the GenY A.C. Green). Then the Lakers dropped their next two. Mike D'Antoni's boss is banging Phil Jackson. Um, Coach, how do you think this will play out?

Bill Simmons, who wrote a 700+ page book about basketball, and cohort Jalen Rose picked Philadelphia to finish last in the league. The 76ers, Mike Lombardi's favorite NBA team, are 3-0 and refusing to tank. Insert sarcastic Browns comparison here.

After the Heat dismantled Chicago on opening night, ESPN analysts were leaking praise for Miami out of every orifice. Of course, you can't blame 'em- that's company policy. Then the Heat dropped their next two games to the Sixers and Nets.

Brooklyn's Nets, ESPN's emergency plan if LeBron tears his ACL, were out-hustled and punked by your Cleveland Cavaliers four days ago. I'm glad the scheduling Gods gave us all day Thursday to make 82-0 jokes. In C-town, you have to appreciate the little things.

Last July, using classic Vox hyperbole, I declared Jarrett Jack to be the greatest free agent signing in Cleveland Sports history. For ten minutes in the first half of the home opener, he may have been. But he can't even beat out Dion Waiters??!!

Anthony Bennett likes to shoot. Anthony Bennett is not a good shooter. Dion Waiters likes to shoot. Dion Waiters is an inconsistent shooter. Tyler Zeller can shoot, but he's often shy about shooting. Kyrie Irving can shoot, but can't find his shot. Andy Varejao totes an NBDL jump shot and is now our 2nd best offensive option??!! Shoot, I'm worried!


2014 NBA Playoff Predictions:

1st Round:
1 Pacers over 8 Raptors
2 Miami over 7 Brooklyn
3 New York over 6 Cleveland
5 Detroit over 4 Chicago

1 Warriors over 8 Mavericks
2 Spurs over 7 Minnesota
6 Memphis over 3 LA Clippers
5 Rockets over 4 Oklahoma City

2nd Round:
Pacers over Detroit
Miami over New York

Rockets over Warriors
Spurs over Memphis

Conference Championship:
Pacers over Heat
Rockets over Spurs

Pacers over Rockets


Browns (+2.5) over Ravens, 5 Dimes

Last week: No Action
Two weeks ago: 3-2 (+1 Dime)
Season: 9-11-1 (-6 Dimes)