Sunday, August 15, 2010

Cleveland's Next Hope?

Bernie Kosar. Brady Quinn. Lebron James. These were supposed to be our "Hometown" saviors. Guys who grew up around here, played here, and were destined to bring our starving city its first championship since 1964. How can we forget our desperate, wishful thinking that University of Akron QB Charlie Frye might be that one glimmer of hope - the "one of our own" that would lift us from despair? There were guys we adopted as our own because they were surely going to lead us to the Promised Land. Guys like Jared Wright, C.C. Sabathia... can't miss studs not yet in their prime. Some of them came close. Some bolted for greener pastures. Some never made it. Some won championships elsewhere. All, in one way or another, (to quote Jake Taylor) "ripped our [hearts] out and shoved them down our f---ing throats!"
So who's next?

  • Josh Cribbs - undrafted Kent State quarterback turned NFL Pro Bowler? The Browns have a long, long, long way to go before we can hang our hats on a Pro Bowl special teamer/wide receiver in training.
  • J.J. Hickson? Raw... and if he's what Cavs fans have to cling to, then as my grandmother used to say "oy vey!"
  • Anyone on the Indians? Not when the most exciting thing of the season has been Grady Sizemore's coffee cup.
Paints a pretty pathetic picture, eh? But wait... there is hope... more than hope... it's money in the bank.
Cleveland... I give to you Parma's own... Michael Mizanin, better known as the egotistical, brash heel of the WWE - "The Miz".
Before ascending the ranks of the WWE main roster, the Normandy High School alum first gained fame on The Real World and later Real World/Road Rules Challenge. He would eventually earn a spot in the WWE, shooting up the ranks quicker than a Justin Gabriel 450 splash. Already a two time and current United States Champion, The Miz shocked the world last month by winning the "Money In The Bank" (MITB) Ladder Match, which guarantees a World Title shot any time, any place. The MITB holder carries a briefcase and can literally "cash-in" whenever, wherever - surprising the unfortunate champion following a grueling hell in the cell match, or at a house show, or in an alley, or in a hotel lobby.
There have been seven MITB winners. All seven have successfully cashed in to become champion. Some were established superstars like Edge. Some were mid-carders who were instantly propelled to main event stardom like C.M. Punk and Jack Swagger. The statistics show it. All logic points to it - The Miz will do it. No quit- I mean elbow injuries. No drives, shots, fumbles, or meltdowns in the ninth. Cleveland will have its champion!
Whoah, whoah whoah. Before we begin to drink the Lake Erie bubbly, I caution you - let's not forget the glorious name of this very blog. If there was ever a time to break the MITB winning streak, it would figure to be when Cleveland was on the verge. There we are - at the top of the ladder, fingers stretched, the ultimate prize at our fingertips - only to get choke slammed to hell.
The Miz's catchphrase is "I'm the Miz and I'm AWESOME!" He is... but needn't he forget... he's from Cleveland as well. Go get' em kid.
Cleveland's own, The Miz, taunts Lakers fans at the Staples Center in L.A...
and then proceeds to beat down John Cena.

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