Wednesday, October 1, 2008


Van Nuys Wins First World Championship

(AP) VAN NUYS, CA-- A makeshift but record-breaking pitching staff made sure the mostly Hispanic district of Van Nuys will be known for something other than a biker community and the birthplace of Kelly Leak.

Late Sunday night, Vox starter and long-time Virgin Pimp Tim Wakefield put the finishing touches on the their first title. For Vox fans throughout the San Fernando Valley, it seemed to be a season of destiny as their team made up a 1500 point deficit in a 5-week period.

The Vox was dominant in the second half, led by waiver wire acquisitions Carlos Delgado and Ricky Nolasco. Shortly before the All-Star break, owner/GM Sam Vox won Nolasco for $1 after trading away ace Scott Kazmir and Melky Cabrera to The Love Brigade for Mark Teixeira and Adam Dunn. MVP candidate Delgado was acquired for $3 on July 20th.

The three-headed closer monster of Jose Valverde, Johnathan Papelpon and Brad Lidge would combine with studs Zach Greinke and Chad Billingsley and undrafted free agents Nolasco, Wakefield, Josh Johnson, and Scott Baker to set the all-time league record for pitching with 19277 points. The previous mark was 18791, set by the Flying Hellfish in 2003.

"This was not a team born on draft day, said a jubilant Vox, "If you look at our starting lineup for the final week, only 8 of 23 players were drafted by me. I built the Vox from everybody else's trash."

Wakefiield was reflective after teammates drenched the 42-year old knuckleballer with champagne, "This is for Doc & Daryl, David Cone (famous for masturbating in the dugout), Mark McLemore and every Hall of Fame Virgin Pimp that paid dues for this franchise ten years ago."

Valverde was more to the point: "We're playin' the dome this Sunday!"

Asked third baseman Casey Blake: What does this mean for the rest of the league? "Bad News for Rock-n-Roll Chiittenden!"

there's somethin' tellin' me my time is now
it's just a whisper but i know somehow
we got listen, got to do it now
life is looking good, looking good
life is looking good
for you and me