The human chess match that is the NFL draft has hypnotized
Who will the
Browns take at No. 4? It seems like Trent Richardson's the man but Heckert
isn't saying. If you believe Browns' brass, the team is interested in taking
project QB Ryan Tannehill, too, perhaps nabbing my sainted mother with the 22nd
selection. Who knows? All the answers are tucked behind Heckert's Vincent
D'Onofrio-looking face.
The minutiae of Cleveland 's draft plans are
fascinating to some fans much as Kasparov vs. Deep Blue must have enthralled millions
of chess enthusiasts. Personally, I don't find chess all that interesting. Still,
I'd rather watch a monkey play checkers against a Commodore 64 than listen to
another minute of this draft talk. What is now a ratings-grabbing, three-day
spectacle bores me to death.
The biggest reason for that derision is that the Browns have had the opportunity to pick in the top ten a total of nine times since 1999 (they traded out of the top ten in 2009 and 2011). The joke goes that the NFL draft is
That means five
months of dissecting exactly what the Browns need to reach the Holy Grail of
8-8 within the next three years. Draft talk essentially overshadows everything
else this town has going sports-wise. Folks may be excited about the promise of
Kyrie Irving and were pretty ticked at the Indians for not getting an impact
bat in the off-season, but that talk usually circles back around to sizzling
topics like Mo Claiborne's 40- time and what Mike Holmgren will have for breakfast
on the day of the draft (Wheat germ and two raw eggs, shells included,
according to unconfirmed reports).
Of course, the
NFL is at its unprecedented height of popularity. As reported by nfl.com, the
draft drew 42 million viewers for the three days of coverage last year. (If
you're wondering, Buffalo
was tops in TV ratings, while the Cleveland-Akron market finished fourth.)
It's not impossible
to understand the appeal of the NFL draft for a fanbase that loves its football.
The draft symbolizes hope - the dream that this
will be the year we get a difference-making impact player, one picked by a
smart management team ready to build the team into respectability and beyond.
Aren't we tired
of merely hoping, though? The boatful of busts over the years is what keeps
putting us in this position, but Cleveland seems not to mind its yearly serving
of horse manure and shame if that means we get more exciting draft talk in the
bargain. People hate bad football, yet they love the draft...that right there
is the bit of cruel irony that does my head in.
So, Heckert can spend
the next week mincing words and putting up smoke screens and whatever else
Browns' management thinks will put other teams off their scent before D-Day.
Just don't ask me to listen, or watch the "excitement" unfold come
April 26.