One thing I expected to see in Rolling Stone each issue is a blistering condemnation of some industry, government program, military exercise, or some other rail against the man by the often brutal Matt Taibbi. One thing I didn't expect to see when I opened my new issue of Rolling Stone was an article by Taibbi titled "Cleveland Chaos", which includes devastating review of the Cleveland Browns, but more specifically, coach Mangini. The article (which I can't find a link to) includes such gems as:
-I always wondered what happened to Augustus Gloop, the fat little boy in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory...a boy with fat bulging from every fold, with two greedy eyes peering out of his doughball of a head--(but he) somehow ended up as head coach of the Cleveland Browns, perhaps the most fucked franchise in all of sports right now."
-Mangini's performance with the Browns is "one of the truly thrilling sports disaster stories ever"
-"a sort of Hurricane Andrew of football mismanagement"
-"horrific losses"
-"incredible tales of pointless disciplinary tactics."
-Mangini spent his time "frowning on the sidelines like a man with the winner of the annual Kansas great Pumpkin Weigh-Off up his ass, frantically changing his mind about which of his two psychologically battered quarterbacks to throw into the breach next."
-"Mangini's Browns have already done more laying down on national TV than Paris Hilton.."
-(Not often) "have we witnessed this kind of coaching catastrophe unfold. Enjoy it for the very short time it is sure to last.
____________________
Of course, anyone in Taibbi's sights takes it hard like Mangini. But it still caught me by surprise, The Browns must really be embarrassing to take this kind of national criticism every week. And hopefully they're embarrassed too.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Taking it from all sides
Monday Haiku
Disaster weekend;
Tressel costs Buckeyes a win;
Usual result for Browns.
It was a hard week to be a Cleveland/Ohio football fan (given that the Bengals lost as well). It certainly looks like neither the Browns nor the Buckeyes have a quarterback nor a coach who can deliver us to the proverbial promised land. Or, in the Browns case, just mediocrity instead of embarassment.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Phiten Anyone?
I wondered why so many MLB pitchers & Players wear those thick ugly necklaces? They are Nylon coated with Titanium from a Japanese based compay called Phiten.
I wonder if Dolan has any room in the budget to out fit the team...
State of play, Part I
October is CST’s favorite sporting month of the year. It presents a convergence of college and pro football, baseball playoffs and on-the-horizon NBA action. With a fresh start represented by the Jewish New Year (5770 and counting...eat it, Pharaoh!), October is also a month that gets me thinking all expansive-like about the state of Cleveland sports. In that spirit, I will present to you a three-part round-up of where our three professional teams stand as the leaves fall and another long winter approaches the North Coast like hell on icy wheels. This week I will ruminate on the franchise that’s closest to bringing our city its first championship in a generation:
---
I have not seen too much of the Cavaliers this pre-season...I’ve come to despise pre-season anything, so I’ll be damned if I’m watching more than five exhibition minutes of Cavs vs. Olympiakos, which means “striped pajamas” when taken from the Greek. Did you see those uniforms? That catty bitch Mr. Blackwell is already sharpening his claws for his next international basketball uniform fashion review, believe me. Still, I’m pumped about a fast-approaching NBA campaign that’s sure to contain plenty of “LeBron-watch 2010” drama, as well as cheeky quotes from Shaq.
If that doesn’t do it for you, how do you feel about a whole lot of wins and one of the top playoffs seeds in the East? Another division title, if not 66 wins, is almost a certainty. Along with acquiring the Big Man for the proverbial hill o’ beans, the Cavs also strengthened their backcourt with the acquisitions of Anthony Parker and Jamario Moon. And while I don’t love Andy V’s new contract, I suppose I can live with it as long as he (1) remains the fifth offensive option at all times,(2) never shoots outside of 7-10 feet when he does feel the need to hoist one up, and(3) grabs double-digit rebounds every night. I also want to see what Leon Powe can do if and when he returns from microfracture surgery on his knee.
I’m hearing good things about Parker thus far. While not a perennial All Star, he seems to be a guy that can come off a screen and hit the mid-range jumper, a skill that’s a lost art in the NBA. He could be big depending on the situation with Delonte West, who practiced with the team this week for the first time since leaving on an excused absence Oct. 7.
Ah, Delonte...a true wild card in numerous senses of the word. I don’t know if the Cavs need him to win a ring, but even with Shaq around, West is still arguably the second-best player on the team--a hard-nosed, highly undervalued shooter and the best on-ball defender on the roster. West’s also the only guy after LeBron who came to play every night against Orlando in last year's ECF.
The organization is dong well to keep a sensitive situation in-house. (If this were the Browns, Delonte would be cavorting atop Key Tower, brandishing a bazooka and screaming, “Top of the world, Ma!!” Then Mangini would trade him to the Jets for a conditional draft choice.) By all accounts, the daily grind of the NBA is what helps keep Delonte focused.
One wonders, however, just what in the hell West was doing sans medication hauling ass through Maryland on that ridiculous three-wheeled motorcycle, carrying two handguns and, for a final touch of cinematic absurdity, a shotgun in a guitar case. Unless he was waging war on Virginia or is, in fact, The Punisher, one also must wonder how many missteps West can take before Ferry is forced to unload him. If I know Delonte, and I don’t, I think he’ll be with the team for the opening tip against Boston on Oct. 27. Hey, I’m an optimist.
Well, I’m usually an optimist...come back next week for an exclusive Cleveland Sports Torture breakdown on the state of Cleveland Indians. Try to keep your chin up.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Best shirt website ever
The hilarious website uniwatchblog.com had a link to a new sponsor today, Homage Clothing, who has tons of Ohio shirts. Love this Bernie Kosar shirt--but especially the website!
http://www.homageclothing.com/store/t-shirts/bernie-kosar
http://www.homageclothing.com/store/images/bernie.jpg
Stunning good looks and a dazzling side-arm release make Mr. Kosar, along with former Brownie and running mate Webster Slaughter, a formidable duo in 2012.