Sunday, November 3, 2013

Vox Lox: NBA Preview

Arnold, Mr. Drummond & Jarrett Jack
A preview three games into the season? That's cheating. 

If it makes you feel better, just drop the "pre" and we'll call it the View. Wait, no, that show gets on my nerves.

How about Vox's View? If you say that super fast, over and over, it almost sounds like Vincent Askew. Here's ten seconds of the late Drazen Petrovic doing work on Let Me Askew Something Vincent. If you clicked on that link, you must love the NBA. Well hello die-hard hoop fan and welcome to the rest of my column...

The five-day peek we've had into this 2013-14 campaign will probably do us more harm than good, anyway. Here's what we know:

Blake Griffin is to Kia as Cliff Paul is to State Farm. I'll stick with Toyota and Geico, thanks. Oh, and the Samsung Galaxy could have a RuleTheWorld application, but I'll never know because I'll keep my iPhone while LeBron exploits his family for profit and image control.

The shamelessly over-hyped Clippers, new media-darlings of the Western Conference, lost the battle of Los Angeles to a handful of role-players (Nick Young is the GenY A.C. Green). Then the Lakers dropped their next two. Mike D'Antoni's boss is banging Phil Jackson. Um, Coach, how do you think this will play out?

Bill Simmons, who wrote a 700+ page book about basketball, and cohort Jalen Rose picked Philadelphia to finish last in the league. The 76ers, Mike Lombardi's favorite NBA team, are 3-0 and refusing to tank. Insert sarcastic Browns comparison here.

After the Heat dismantled Chicago on opening night, ESPN analysts were leaking praise for Miami out of every orifice. Of course, you can't blame 'em- that's company policy. Then the Heat dropped their next two games to the Sixers and Nets.

Brooklyn's Nets, ESPN's emergency plan if LeBron tears his ACL, were out-hustled and punked by your Cleveland Cavaliers four days ago. I'm glad the scheduling Gods gave us all day Thursday to make 82-0 jokes. In C-town, you have to appreciate the little things.

Last July, using classic Vox hyperbole, I declared Jarrett Jack to be the greatest free agent signing in Cleveland Sports history. For ten minutes in the first half of the home opener, he may have been. But he can't even beat out Dion Waiters??!!

Anthony Bennett likes to shoot. Anthony Bennett is not a good shooter. Dion Waiters likes to shoot. Dion Waiters is an inconsistent shooter. Tyler Zeller can shoot, but he's often shy about shooting. Kyrie Irving can shoot, but can't find his shot. Andy Varejao totes an NBDL jump shot and is now our 2nd best offensive option??!! Shoot, I'm worried!

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2014 NBA Playoff Predictions:

1st Round:
1 Pacers over 8 Raptors
2 Miami over 7 Brooklyn
3 New York over 6 Cleveland
5 Detroit over 4 Chicago

1 Warriors over 8 Mavericks
2 Spurs over 7 Minnesota
6 Memphis over 3 LA Clippers
5 Rockets over 4 Oklahoma City

2nd Round:
Pacers over Detroit
Miami over New York

Rockets over Warriors
Spurs over Memphis

Conference Championship:
Pacers over Heat
Rockets over Spurs

Finals:
Pacers over Rockets

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Browns (+2.5) over Ravens, 5 Dimes

Last week: No Action
Two weeks ago: 3-2 (+1 Dime)
Season: 9-11-1 (-6 Dimes)