Sunday, January 8, 2012

Vox Lox: If RGIII is Our Savior, Then I'm Your Irish Uncle

Yeah, I'm part Mick. And it's possible that my brother, RonVox, has some illegitimates scattered around central Ohio, but they'd be too young to read. So it's safe to say that you and I are not related, and I barf up a lung every time I read some mediocre sports blog or hear an Adam-the-Bull-influenced-uneducated-super-fan-with-a-Parma-accent pine for a college QB exhibiting none of the skill sets owned by the NFL's elite pocket passers. Never mind that defense is an ugly rumor in the Big 12 and that Baylor had no interest in preparing their signal caller for a pro career; what in the Sam Hill makes you believe that the Cleveland Browns can develop anything besides a disgruntled fan base and their affinity for handicapped PR hopscotch?

Truly, the joke is on Cleveland...with our silly, unconditional passion, our PSLs, our penchant for $8 Pabsts, and our orange jerseys pimping defunct players. Fucking Mike Holmgren saw us coming. Weak schedule and all, plus arguably the top pass defense in the AFC, but Big Show made certain we wouldn't be playing meaningful games in December by not signing a capable wide-out and letting an unqualified, offensively-impotent rookie HC call plays. The result was a 4-12 regression, featuring a winless campaign against our North rivals, that actually could've been much worse. The season's only signature moment was provided by Colt McCoy's super-clutch, game-winning drive against a very formidable Dolphin defense.

Speaking of signature wins, we've had just two in the past decade that were true testaments to the Browns' ability to compete with the league's juggernauts: the blowout victories versus the News: Orleans and England, anchored by McCoy, a power running game, and smart coaching. The proof is somewhere on DVD in Berea. Maybe in Holmgren's office, in between his Bill Walsh books, bottomless carton of dougnuts and whatever else he owns. But one thing Mike doesn't own? His failures. He blames the media. You blame the QB. If you've read me since week one, you know where I place the blame. And, until Mr. Lerner cans Holmgren, ain't nothing gonna change in these parts. Now go jerkoff your mock drafts. I've got a 4-3 basketball team to worry about.