Sunday, January 15, 2012

Vox Lox: Divisional Pick

On playoff weekends, it hurts the most.
Wide screen HD TVs everywhere, flashing the colorful pageantry of the NFL dance. But brown and orange suits are nowhere in sight, as we are dateless going on a decade. Pro Football is constructed to intermittently share the post-season wealth with all 32 franchises, but their formula doesn't work in Cleveland. I'm freaking frustrated, friends. I mean, even Cincinnati got laid.
Referencing the 49ers stupendous home victory yesterday, Browns safety TJ Ward (@BossWard43) tweeted "Cleveland will have that feeling real soon." I actually appreciated that ambitious sentiment as more than just lip service to desperate fans, especially from a determined, hard-hitting player who isn't prone to hyperbole or Twitter propaganda. But the truth is the Browns aren't even close. 3-13 is my early, penciled-in prediction for next season, a setback that I believe will benefit the Browns long-term if it leads to the removal of Coach Shurmur and President Holmgren.
But this won't be another column indicting our front office. Been there, wrote that. I've got a house to clean, a road to run, and a game to bet on. So I'll leave you with this to ponder: when told that San Francisco's favorite rock-and-roll sons would be singing the national anthem to celebrate playoff football's return to Candlestick, Niner fans were surely primed for the Grateful Dead. Except it was Huey Lewis & the News that got the party started. The Cleveland equivalent would be Michael Stanley Band giving way to Beau Coup. Cue up this fantastic parody, and memories of better north coast Januaries.
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Today's Plays:
Giants/Packers Under 53, 1 dime
Giants (+7.5) over Packers, 1 dime
Last week: 1-2 (-1 dime)
Season: 28-26-3 (+3 dimes)
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Who is the Vox? SamVox is not a professional handicapper, but a premier one. He has been gambling his entire adult life and has experienced every sickening turn and nasty twist of fate that occurs during a football season. What distinguishes the Vox is his amazing intuition, astoundingly long memory, attention to detail and preparation, aversion to propaganda and access to the industry's sharpest bettors. He is a two time Pick'Em champion and went 85-71-8 against the spread with his Vox Lox over three seasons. His critically-dismissed Vox in the Box column also appears here at Cleveland Sports Torture.