Saturday, January 8, 2011

Vox Lox: Wild Card Playoff Pix

For the past seventeen weeks, this column has been relegated to nothing more than a cheap, internet confession booth. The NFL regular season zoomed by, as far as I'm concerned. And I spent most of it conning myself that this was the week the 49ers and/or Chargers would stop underachieving. Mike Singletary paid for his team's struggles with his job, and you would guess Norv Turner isn't close behind. But my position as CST's Premier handicapper goes on, and I have four more weeks to turn a profit. As always, I'm desperate to learn from my mistakes. Perhaps I wasted too much time the last four months watching the other football? Maybe I should've been scouting teams on Sunday Night Football instead of viewing the same episode of Boardwalk Empire twice, and then wistfully hoping Kenny Powers would ditch Mexico and reunite with April? All of those Sports Guy/Cousin Sal podcasts I only half-paid attention to while I chased those proggers around Pogo's speed chess rooms...well, it showed when I made my picks every Sunday.

I even turned off the Patriots vs. Colts in November to watch Pretty in Pink for the umpteenth time. And, let me just say it, I stopped suspending my disbelief during the prom scene: Andy's dress was awful, and Molly Ringwald didn't do it any favors. So, in essence, the film's title is a lie. While we all can relate to the tumultuous caste systems built into every american public high school, it's rather unfortunate that Molly wasn't pretty in pink. She wasn't even average in pink. She was sort of a hot mess in pink, and a pretty limited actress. Which bring me to this entry's revelation (I use that word too much): Lately, when the Vox looks in the mirror, he sees Molly Ringwald. Vox Lox is a snappy title and synonymous with give 'em-hell-handicapping, but it's just a mirage. I've been masquerading behind my ridiculously good record for the past few seasons, but now everyone knows that I end up leaving the dance with Ducky...

Packers (+2.5) over Eagles, 2 dimes
Colts (-2.5) over Jets, 2 dimes
Seahawks (+10.5) over Saints, half-dime
Chiefs (+3) over Ravens, half-dime

Last week: 0-3 (-5 dimes)
Season: 30-33-3 (-6 dimes)