Friday, October 31, 2008

We're #1

Congratulations Philadelphia Phillies.  Now people can stop saying that Philly is the longest suffering city, just because they have four teams and we lack hockey!  The 76ers won it in 1980!!   For us, 1964 is a long time.  I can barely remember not being born yet.

Good game last night.  (Un?)fortunately for me, in the second half I figured out that now I can watch the Cavs games from my workout room, which has FSN Ohio.  I did miss the third quarter, where I guess the team sucked, but overall a 19 point win is okay by me any time.

Buckeyes have off this week.  Time to get nervous about the Ravens. 

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Not a good week for the Buckeyes

Well, as good as Terrell Pryor obviously is, his chronic problem is underthrowing his receivers. That's the reason that last pass was intercepted--back corner of the end zone and it was a touchdown. Most of his long passes are completed when the receiver adjusts to them.

At least we weren't embarassed--just unable to move the ball. Another loss to a top team. Depressing.

Anyway, in the NFL, Shawn Springs injured, Santonio Holmes arrested for smuggling blunts in his automobile, and Willl Smith suspended. Ouch.

Go Browns. Build on that NY Giants win--two weeks later. Last week's Washington game was a disappointment, let's hope today turns out better.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Vox Pix (8)

Good luck to you 2day with these three winners:

ATL (+9) over Philly (you may want to tease it to 10, but I still like the +9)
Panthers (-4) over Cards
Bills (-1.5) over Dolphins

Last week: 1-1
Season: 7-6-2


--

Who is the Vox?

SamVox is not a professional handicapper, but a premier one. He has been gambling his entire adult life and has experienced every sickening turn and nasty twist of fate that occurs during a football season. What distinguishes the Vox is his amazing intuition, astoundingly long memory, attention to detail and preparation, aversion to propaganda and access to the industry's sharpest bettors. He is a two time Pick'Em champion and went 20-12-2 against the spread with his Vox Pix in 2007. His critically-dismissed Vox in the Box column also appears here at clevelandsportstorture.blogspot.com

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Vox Pix (7)

Good slump-busting to you, my fellow gamblers, and welcome to bounce-back weekend '08. Miss Losing Streak has found me, fucked me, and wears my love mockingly (like a see through dress). The Vox has been completely exposed, and is undeserving of his premier mantra. I have given all our profits back to the book, as I am now 7-7-2 this football season. And anything less than 53% in this business means you are a loser because the Crookie is eating us up with the vig. I'm so cold I almost lost the reunion bet, thanks to my unsteady hand with a razor.

The Texans pulled out the win over Miami as I suspected, but missed an easy chance to cover the spread when saftey Eugene Wilson intercepted Pennington in Dolphins territory with three minutes left and Houston leading, and then fumbled it back to Miami. That's unlucky, and I can live with that.

What I can't live with is my bad call on the Niners, maybe the worst NFL wager of my career. I set my own lines for the games each week, and then I check my spreads against the actuals. I figured San Fran at +3.5. So, at +5.5, I really liked them. And a few days before the game, one of the best handicapping syndicates in the country revealed the Niners-Easgles contest as an oddsmaker error. This crew, out of Baltimore, has only made eleven NFL wagers in the past two years, and they are 10-1. They don't release their picks to the public, but a former offshore sportsbook owner, Steve Budhin, has access to their information and then sells their plays for $70 on vegasadvisors.com. Now I don't buy picks but I just assumed they also liked San Fran. So I used them as one of my picks of the week. Of course, after the Eagles covered, I learned that the smart money had in fact been on Philadelphia and I was a very humbled handicapper. That B-more bunch is 12-1, and the Vox made a sucker bet.

Today, I get back to my winning ways with a college winner below. Also, I'm flirting with Bernard Hopkins at +300. I don't know much about Boxing, but everyone knows Hopkins is a smart fighter. Has Pavlik ever fought a smart fighter? I expect a good fight tonight.

Missouri (+4.5) over Texas
If you want to play the money line on this one, you have my blessing. I actually like the Tigers outright, a prime-time road warrior underdog against the top-ranked, inflated Longhorns. Chase Daniel, coming home to his native Texas in Missoura black. Get yours, Chase!

Last week: 0-0
Season: 1-2





NFL:

Colts (-1) over Green Bay
Browns (+7.5) over Washington

Last week: 0-2
Season: 6-5-2


Who is the Vox?

SamVox is not a professional handicapper, but a premier one. He has been gambling his entire adult life and has experienced every sickening turn and nasty twist of fate that occurs during a football season. What distinguishes the Vox is his amazing intuition, astoundingly long memory, attention to detail and preparation, aversion to propaganda and access to the industry's sharpest bettors. He is a two time Pick'Em champion and went 20-12-2 against the spread with his Vox Pix in 2007. His critically-dismissed Vox in the Box column also appears here at clevelandsportstorture.blogspot.com

Good morning handicappers, and welcome to bounce-back weekend '08. Miss losing streak has found me, fucked me and wears my love mockingly, "like a see through dress." The Vox has been completely exposed, and is undeserving of his premier mantra. I have given all our profits back to The Crookie, as






Missouri (+4.5) over Texas
If you want to play the money line on this one, you have my blessing. I actually like the Tigers outright, a prime-time road warrior underdog tonight against the top-ranked, inflated Longhorns. Chase, coming home to his native Texas in Missoura black.

49ers (+5) over Philadelphia
God bless San Francisco. I quote Andrew Dice Clay: "You can smoke a baloney pony, but not a fuckin' Marlboro?"

SamVox (+105) Going to His 15-Year High School Reunion over SamVox Not Going to his 15-Year High School Reunion

Last week: 0-1-1
Season: 6-3-2

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Vox in the Box (3)

Good heavens, the democratic process purports to champion equality, opportunity and integrity...but a few weeks before a presidential election, America is the land of ugly division. To quote Edward De Bono and William Howard Taft: "Politics, when I am in it, makes me sick." But I have an incredibly hard time ignoring You Decide '08, even though I know that my life won't change no matter who wins. I am truly a masochist; I can't pull myself away from WTAM, FOX and all the other neo-con outlets that I love to hate.

So when it came time for me to handicap this week's NFL slate, I felt a certain calmness sweep through me. For a few minutes, I could concentrate on something other than Washington and Wall Street. Even after my first losing week (I warned you it was coming), I'm finding solace in this column. Serenity hits the Vox in mysterious ways: smoking a Benson Hedges cigarette a bit past the gold circle, seeing Dora and Boots map their way through the Lost City, and finding the following oddsmaker errors:

Texans (-3) over Miami
This could be my biggest play since the Cowboys v. Browns in week one. Any 'capper can pick games when he's hot, but this week will really prove my worth as I'm coming off a losing week for the first time this season. I need to rebound before the losses start streaking on me, and the fact that Houston is winless and Miami has won two straight makes me salivate even more on this one.

49ers (+5) over Philadelphia
God bless San Francisco. I quote Andrew Dice Clay: "You can smoke a baloney pony, but not a fuckin' Marlboro?"

SamVox (+105) Going to His 15-Year High School Reunion over SamVox Not Going to his 15-Year High School Reunion

Last week: 0-1-1
Season: 6-3-2


--

Who is the Vox?

SamVox is not a professional handicapper, but a premier one. He has been gambling his entire adult life and has experienced every sickening turn and nasty twist of fate that occurs during a football season. What distinguishes the Vox is his amazing intuition, astoundingly long memory, attention to detail and preparation, aversion to propaganda and access to the industry's sharpest bettors. He is a two time Pick'Em champion and went 20-12-2 against the spread with his Vox Pix in 2007. His critically-dismissed Vox in the Box column also appears here at clevelandsportstorture.blogspot.com.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Vox Pix (5)

Good bye week to you, my friends. It could've been an Iggy Pop-perfect day for the Vox but the Rams couldn't hold a double digit lead in their dome. Worse yet, they couldn't cover given 8.5 points after holding a double digit lead in their dome. They say the great card players never remember the hands they won, but can recall, in great detail, the circumstances of their worst losses. Last sunday, after the Bills fed me a shitburger and fries, I forgot all about the Vox of Van Nuys clinching their first championship, and the Vox of Las Vegas improving to 3-1 and tying the mark for their best start ever, and the double-you posted by our beloved Browns. I even forgot that I got laid saturday night. Just kidding, I did not got laid. But I did have an interesting encounter with Abbey Brooks at the 'hub.

Still chalk up yet another winning week for the Vox, as the Titans and Chargers delivered. We are killing the Crookie slowly but surely. So how are you spending your book's money? The Vox has two kids in daycare, so he is paying bills. Maybe you bought a Milwaukee Sawzall or a deluxe ironing board for the Mrs.? Ignore me, I suffer from the no-sleep high. Don't make your picks on the no-sleep high. Relax, I decided on these games yesterday.

Denver (-3) over Tampa Bay
Jags (-4) over Pittspuke


Last week: 2-1
Season: 6-2-1


--

Who is the Vox?

SamVox is not a professional handicapper, but a premier one. He has been gambling his entire adult life and has experienced every sickening turn and nasty twist of fate that occurs during a football season. What distinguishes the Vox is his amazing intuition, astoundingly long memory, attention to detail and preparation, aversion to propaganda and access to the industry's sharpest bettors. He is a two time Pick'Em champion and went 20-12-2 against the spread with his Vox Pix in 2007. His critically-dismissed Vox in the Box column also appears here at clevelandsportstorture.blogspot.com.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Windhorst is Going to the PD

Some of you may have heard this already, but on Terry Pluto's weekly podcast, he said that Windhorst is going to be starting at the PD as the new Cavs beat writer. He thinks he is starting next week. A definite upgrade from Branson Wright. Hopefully, he'll keep his blog going once he moves.

VIVE LE VOX!

Van Nuys Wins First World Championship






(AP) VAN NUYS, CA-- A makeshift but record-breaking pitching staff made sure the mostly Hispanic district of Van Nuys will be known for something other than a biker community and the birthplace of Kelly Leak.

Late Sunday night, Vox starter and long-time Virgin Pimp Tim Wakefield put the finishing touches on the their first title. For Vox fans throughout the San Fernando Valley, it seemed to be a season of destiny as their team made up a 1500 point deficit in a 5-week period.

The Vox was dominant in the second half, led by waiver wire acquisitions Carlos Delgado and Ricky Nolasco. Shortly before the All-Star break, owner/GM Sam Vox won Nolasco for $1 after trading away ace Scott Kazmir and Melky Cabrera to The Love Brigade for Mark Teixeira and Adam Dunn. MVP candidate Delgado was acquired for $3 on July 20th.

The three-headed closer monster of Jose Valverde, Johnathan Papelpon and Brad Lidge would combine with studs Zach Greinke and Chad Billingsley and undrafted free agents Nolasco, Wakefield, Josh Johnson, and Scott Baker to set the all-time league record for pitching with 19277 points. The previous mark was 18791, set by the Flying Hellfish in 2003.

"This was not a team born on draft day, said a jubilant Vox, "If you look at our starting lineup for the final week, only 8 of 23 players were drafted by me. I built the Vox from everybody else's trash."

Wakefiield was reflective after teammates drenched the 42-year old knuckleballer with champagne, "This is for Doc & Daryl, David Cone (famous for masturbating in the dugout), Mark McLemore and every Hall of Fame Virgin Pimp that paid dues for this franchise ten years ago."

Valverde was more to the point: "We're playin' the dome this Sunday!"

Asked third baseman Casey Blake: What does this mean for the rest of the league? "Bad News for Rock-n-Roll Chiittenden!"

there's somethin' tellin' me my time is now
it's just a whisper but i know somehow
we got listen, got to do it now
life is looking good, looking good
life is looking good
for you and me